Aha.
So I plugged the tester in, waited for the car to warm up, heard it go into low-idle closed loop and as it was checking it did its idle weirdness and immediately faulted it on the altitude control circuit.
Retested and it didn't act up again and passed, so it's everyone's favorite: an intermittent fault! \o/
Honestly I'm not sure about this part of the computer system. From what I know the altitude circuit is an extra eyelet that if you are below 4000 feet you don't attach it to a grounding point. The altitude pin on the diagnostic plug is then left floating at battery voltage. If the jumper is grounded it pulls the pin to 0v and tells the computer you are above 4000 feet, then tweaks the computer and timing. That is probably my weirdness.
Thing is, the altitude jumper wire and even the pin on the diagnostic connector is completely omitted from the schematic in the 1982 TSM. The wire going to the pin on the diagnostic connector is pink/salmon, the internet says the jumper is black with a white tracer, but the schematic says that's the computer's ground and I have a grey wire with a white tracer that shares the same crimped eyelet used to ground the system but exists on none of my schematics.
Here it is with the terminal recrimped after being found on the brink of falling off. If this was factory hardwired for high altitude we can see it's grounded here, but at the diagnostic pin it's still battery voltage, so there's a wire open somewhere that is occasionally reconnecting to ground and I have yet to find it.
The 501's troubleshooting charts say to locate wiring faults and if none are found, test the MCU. If the MCU passes it wants you to start the diagnostic over again. If it's an intermittent in the computer I don't think it hurts to just sit there and loop the test 10 or 20 times. That would HAVE to catch it.