So bad news... the worst news, probably. The tranny guy looked at it and not only is the transmission hosed and the case empty of fuel (so there's been a pretty bad leak), but the transfer case is also completely empty of fluid, so that's probably destroyed too. In addition, the CV axle on the front passenger side is shot and needs to be fixed asap.
I just don't have this kind of money, so I think I'm gonna have to cut my losses and unload this thing for whatever I can get for it. I'd love to give it to someone who can fix it or use it; someone who has the know-how to do it themselves instead of rely on other people. If anyone knows anyone, I'm in Utah. Everything else is in pretty good shape except for this big stuff.